Certificate for Impossible Appliances

This appears to be a gift certificate that exists in several realities at once. Words shift and rewrite themselves before your eyes, promising gleaming appliances that never existed:

"…no home would be complete without…"

"…full washer/dryer combo…"

"…reforms cells endlessly in the comfort of your own home…"

"…rich shag carpeting…"

"…keys that open endless doors between realms of madness and order…"

"…easy-to-clean linoleum…"

You do not think it would be wise to read any further.

(This item can be safely discarded.)

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